You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
