What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
