Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
