Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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