im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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