The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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