Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
