My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
