Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
