That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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