So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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