everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
