Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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