No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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