guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
