just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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