I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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