i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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