I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
