great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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