hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Panties = found
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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