Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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