When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
