You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
