I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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