You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
