Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
