All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
