just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
