I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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