So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
