I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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