I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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