my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize