I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
