I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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