Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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