I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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