I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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