the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
