Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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