Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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