Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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