he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
