Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
