I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
