He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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