I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
