Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
