Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
