you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
