He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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