Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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