i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
