jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
