but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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