Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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