Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
