I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop coming to work sober
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize