if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
