Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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