fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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