i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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