I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
