I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
