I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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