Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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