Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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