he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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