Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
