so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
