I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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