I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
