was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
