you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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