The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
