Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
