my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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