Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
