i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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