I think my vagina is haunted
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
