If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
