I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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