I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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