he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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