Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
