Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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