____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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