No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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