I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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