I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The struggles of a small town man whore
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