I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
