You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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