Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
