my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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