Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize