If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
