You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
