When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
